So today is the day I shall share…71 days…pregnant.
Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Excited. Scared.
I have a flurry of emotions, the hormone party I am currently hosting is to blame for the most part. But above that, I have always known my body, when something was wrong I knew what, how to fix it, which Doctor to call, which medicine to take. Now that I am sharing this body I am scared. I am scared that I do not know anything, that I might mess up the very thing I have been trying so hard to make happen. I have a niece and 3 nephews. I have watched my sisters thrive in their pregnancies and have watched many friends have beautiful babies. I keep thinking “just stay and grow” as if my body, the one I have know so well may turn on me and allow he\she to simply walk away.
I am focusing on the positive, preparing for each new trimester, first over now onto the second. One down two to go. I guess my thinking is normal. I guess I fear that speaking these thoughts to my friends and family will make me seem naïve or depressed or negative. So I type because it is less intimidating and honestly I don’t think or feel that I am naive or depressed or negative.
I am beginning my 2nd trimester. I am blessed. I am very blessed, and I am happy. But right now I think I am just Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Excited. Scared. and for right now on this 71st day that is how I am...that is me.