Thursday, August 28, 2008

Beginnings, Blessings and Being.

So today is the day I shall share…71 days…pregnant.

Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Excited. Scared.

I have a flurry of emotions, the hormone party I am currently hosting is to blame for the most part. But above that, I have always known my body, when something was wrong I knew what, how to fix it, which Doctor to call, which medicine to take. Now that I am sharing this body I am scared. I am scared that I do not know anything, that I might mess up the very thing I have been trying so hard to make happen. I have a niece and 3 nephews. I have watched my sisters thrive in their pregnancies and have watched many friends have beautiful babies. I keep thinking “just stay and grow” as if my body, the one I have know so well may turn on me and allow he\she to simply walk away.

I am focusing on the positive, preparing for each new trimester, first over now onto the second. One down two to go. I guess my thinking is normal. I guess I fear that speaking these thoughts to my friends and family will make me seem naïve or depressed or negative. So I type because it is less intimidating and honestly I don’t think or feel that I am naive or depressed or negative.

I am beginning my 2nd trimester. I am blessed. I am very blessed, and I am happy. But right now I think I am just Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Excited. Scared. and for right now on this 71st day that is how I am...that is me.



Leah said...

those are all natural feelings... as a mother, i've felt them, had them, craved some of them. but focusing on the fun and positive is the best advice i can give.

fun: taking pics of your ever changing belly, trying on and purchasing your first maternity outfit, food cravings, names, colors, buying your first infant outfit, registering, baby showers, etc. etc. etc.

positive: your body will change, you will have aches and pains, you will have "butterfly" feelings you haven't felt before, you are eating for two so nurish your baby from the start, listen to your doctors even with they seem to "blow" you off or be "short", the less they say is better, quick office visits are a good thing, enthusiam and optimism are a must!

this is such a life altering step for you and matt. it's a wonderful, wonderful blessing and i'm blessed i can walk with you on this journey.

post away... this can be your first chapter of your baby book. she/he will want to read it someday.

(auntie le to your wee one)

karey m. said...

oh, this post...i remember.

just know that we've all counted days, held our breath, tiptoed so as not to jar anything...important.

it's all important. every day, every breath...

best best best wishes. {and that pic of you and your hubby over in the corner? very cute. better than that, but it is late here in jordan, and the only words i have are too small. sorry!}

amber {daisy chain} said...

congrats to you! remember to stop and enjoy the journey, a